Last day of work for the 2009 year, I'm sooo glad!

I've just realised it's been a whole year since I had a coffee. That's strengthened my resolve in thinking I can go without alchohol. How exciting! A whole new adventure. I'll be "one of those people". A teetotaler. I might have to get a hat made. The biggest benefit will be no more hangovers of course! I'm so over feeling like I'm dying. Next best benefit is that there'll always be a designated driver. I have a couple of good friends that don't drink & they never miss out on any of the fun because of it.

I'm having dinner with some old friends tonight & I'm really looking forward to it. Just have to forego the gdmnd sangria. Cross your fingers for me.

Rude-looking cherries

I know it's juvenile but I always smile when I get bits of fruit that are deformed & look rude.

Makes my day, really.

It is soo quiet here this arvo, most of my colleagues are out at a meeting. The aircon is finally working again and now the office is a touch too cold instead of too hot. You Never Can Please Some People! The awards dinner went well last night; I had a little black dress on that I'd bought in Singapore. I hadn't realised how much junk I've been eating but none of my other nice dresses fit me! Disgraceful. I'm going to buy a trainer for my bike for a few reasons: firstly I'm not confident to take the bike out in public (my balance is terrible and I'll just fall off then darned thing), and secondly, I should probably improve my fitness as well as my balance before I get out into the world. I'd hate to get halfway to somewhere & then have to call MODA to come rescue me when I can't make it back.. I think I should be able to pick one up for about $200.

I have a lot of Xmas organising to do too; would be great if the thank-you cards arrive this arvo or tomorrow so I can get that out of the way & get xmas done too. Just had a bit of a nasty shock - I hate it when you forget about automatic debits you've arranged, only to find out they've chewed away your entire bank balance! I had $8 left! So I went into my new account & transferred some dosh across to get me through the week. Crazy! But it means that I have a bunch of xmas shopping to do next pay. I've made shirts for most of my friends/family.. That's saved me money this year (but not time). Some of them are really cool! I'm slowly getting better at the designs. I think I'll do something creative again next year for xmas!

Hulkamania!

Going to the wrestling next weekend, how exciting! I'm dragging a girlfriend along but I'm sure she'll have a great time in the long run. Shame my Tassie friends won't be here to see it with me! Also crossing my fingers that Randy Orton will be part of the entourage. I used to have a Viva La Raza tshirt but it mysteriously disappeared and I honestly think it was nicked from my line :( That would have been ideal to wear., Never mind, I'll just have to be a bogan like everybody else I guess. I've been out so much lately; Kate Miller-Heidke with a close girlfriend on Tuesday (who was absolutely brilliant and such a cutie in her black velvet & shiny purple dress) then dinner with an old friend Wednesday, Miss Saigon last night. I could really do with a kip. I'll hold out another half hour & then I'll be on my way. I might have that kip before I start xmas craft though - wouldn't want to burn myself in my exhausted stupor.

Have a good weekend.

Friends take 2.

I think that real friends support you (when they see that something is really important to you), regardless of what they think. I think that smart people understand that their words and actions can manipulate your feelings sooo easily. If they don't see a reaction straight away they hit you again, harder each time until they wear away your strength and your protection. I only want to surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself.. and I will try to return the favour. I'm mostly very lucky when it comes to friends, but some of them leave bruises.

Can you pull a layer of eyeball off with a dry contact lens? I'm starting to wonder. My eye has been crying uncontrollably for most of the day and I'm getting some awkward looks. Darned contact lenses! I think I need to go to sleep as soon as I get home & see if my eye heals itself in the night. Actually, I'm thinking that's a good idea as I peer (one-eyedly) out my window and notice the clouds rolling in. Would be lovely for my garden if it rains all night again.

I have some cool ideas for xmas pressies, need to get started on them very soon though, if they're going to be ready in time. I can't believe xmas is so close! How exciting!

Friends
I think the friends you keep say a lot about who you are. I love all of my friends, naturally, but not all of them bring out the better parts of my personality. I don't know why! Some manage to draw out my insecurities so easily. Some can make me cry when I probably should but don't want to.
There's an awesome quote that I love : I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
Some of my friends have enough info about my past to blackmail me, but I didn't think real friends were supposed to use that stuff to their advantage. Hmmm. Weak.

What a lovely weekend, can't imagine what I'm doing back here again after only two days away. Our veggie patch is 70% planted, only a little more preparation needed before I can get the rest sown. This year we'll have squash, tomatoes, eggplant, potatoes, corn (hopefully it works this year), pumpkin, peas, beans, carrots, spinach and broccoli. Cool! We also put a load of topsoil over our carpet of weeds and we need to buy mulch to pop over the top of that. It'll look really good once it's done. Then we're looking at getting a quote for a new kitchen and a quote for an ensuite. Once those are taken care of (next year) we'll look at building a free-standing garage in front of the house and finally (maybe 5 years?) we'll turn the current garage into a studio apartment in the backyard. At best it's somewhere you oldies can live when they're too infirm to be on their own, and at worst it's extra income from a rental if we ever need to go that way. Holy crap I think I just planned out the rest of my life.

On the wagon.
Our wedding was everything I had dared to hope and more. So was the honeymoon. Looking back over the photos though, I realise I had a cocktail in nearly every single frame. Exactly a year ago, I was a touch humiliated at my niece's birthday party & a year later it appears not much has changed. Sunday I couldn't drink since I was still hurling over Saturday night's abuses. Monday and Tuesday my stomach wasn't quite feeling back to normal so I didn't suggest we open a bottle of wine over dinner. Let's call this my 4th day on the wagon. This weekend will be tricky.

Yes, I understand that it's a depressive and that all alchoholics look back at their antics with a mixture of self-loathing and self-pity. But it all comes down to this: If I can quit smoking for my husband, perhaps I can quit drinking for me.

I've just read on the news about "pickled walnut" syndrome & I'm increasingly concerned about my shocking memory.

Can't work:
For reasons beyond my control I only have access to the internet this morning. Okay, cool! The 28 day forecast is still showing rain for the day before the wedding but clear skies on the day of... hmmmm. We shall have to see. It's a bit rainy today; not much, but enough to darken the road outside my window. I really feel like a bacon & egg roll, or maybe 1/2 a one. I woke up in the middle of the night & my tummy was grumbling so I mustn't have had quite enough for tea. Perhaps I can convince the Duchess to go halves with me....

Old love:
I have absolutely no problem with big age gaps in relationships, as long as you're going out with an adult (and I don't mean what they consider an adult at the movie theatre - they make you pay full fare at 16 which I also think is a tremendous gyp!). There's only 3 years between myself & MODA, but I really don't think it would matter if that was 10 years. 30 might be a stretch I s'pose... My minister for coffee flavoured counsel married a man 17 years her senior and they're completely happy and completely in love. My biological grandfather was 46 years older than my biological grandmother and as odd as it seems, all reports were that they too were deliriously happy. If it wasn't for their union, my mother wouldn't be here and neither would I. So yay for love at all ages.. above 20... unless you're both under 20. There it's out now; I feel better.

The Duchess
My very dear friend "The Duchess" has reminded me how therapeutic blogging can really be. Also; reading your old entries after 4 or 5 years is surprisingly liberating. You really do get to see yourself grow... You begin to understand that as "uber" as you feel, there's always still a long way for you to go.

And Thank Goodness for that!

So I'm looking down the barrel of a new life, about to become a new person. There's a huge opportunity available to me here.

Okay; a new wish list for this decade since my life has changed so much over the last few years:

- at least 2 kids, but hopefully 4. I guess this depends on a lot of things, including whether or not I actually like being a parent.. I wouldn't inflict half-hearted parenting on two littlies.

- those knee buckling and tummy butterfly inducing moments at least every 6 months for the rest of our lives.

- the elusive undergraduate degree, of course.

- a little more financial security.

- to improve my fitness.

- to adventure overseas regularly now that we've got the passports.

That's it? Wow! I must be dangerously close to contentment if I can't think of anything that I want!

Hang on a sec, I have thought of something I want! A really, really good month with as few stresses and freakouts as possible. I guess every wedding has to cope with family politics. They should tell you that up front - the day is not really all about you, and everyone will not fit in with what you want to do "just because they love you". That's a crock. I feel sorry for the girls who try to push to get everything the way they want it, just because that's what you're told your Whole Life while growing up. Then you get to the day and it's just not what you were prepared for at all.

Another thing that has been worrying me more than it should: when you say "I want to do A" and a family member says "Oh no I really think you should do B instead". This bugs me for several reasons:

1. it trivialises your suggestion/opinion.

2. they've probably already had their turn at it & have all the advice in the world to offer since they're now veterans.

3. if plan A falls flat on its ars* they'll be able to say "see? I told you you should have done B". And they'll say it loudly, and not just to you. What happened to unconditional support? Does it seriously not exist? I promise to not become one of those people when it's the next girl's turn.

Eye infection
Is it stress? I don''t know. But I do know I have to be clear of it by Monday or I will seriously have a nervous breakdown. There's only two weeks until the big day. It shouldn't matter, it's only my eyes. it's only my wedding. Totally Un Fair. At least my bloke's good looking,. but that will only make me all the more ugly!

Welcome back
It's been some years since my last blog - can't get onto it, so; fine, see if I care.. will begin a whole new one. :)
It's probably a good thing anyway - am about to start a new chapter, get a new name and a new identity. What a fantastic opportunity to become a new person; the person the old me always wanted to be! The countdown is two and a half weeks, it's surreal. I can't wait, yet when it's over I know I'll be a tiny little bit sad. Not much, but enough to change me forever.
The stress is getting to me; I have a very minor eye infection, which is freaking me out. If I don't get on top of it over these first few days...what? I could lose an eye here people! Pretend to care!
The wind's been insane, I spent last night wondering if a branch was going to come through my window. Hence very little sleep, hence weakened immune system, hence the gawdamd eye. MODA is here with me, after all these years who knew he'd be the one I'd marry? He hasn't taught me anything dangerous in a while, but it'll come I have no doubt. and am excited.