The Duchess
My very dear friend "The Duchess" has reminded me how therapeutic blogging can really be. Also; reading your old entries after 4 or 5 years is surprisingly liberating. You really do get to see yourself grow... You begin to understand that as "uber" as you feel, there's always still a long way for you to go.

And Thank Goodness for that!

So I'm looking down the barrel of a new life, about to become a new person. There's a huge opportunity available to me here.

Okay; a new wish list for this decade since my life has changed so much over the last few years:

- at least 2 kids, but hopefully 4. I guess this depends on a lot of things, including whether or not I actually like being a parent.. I wouldn't inflict half-hearted parenting on two littlies.

- those knee buckling and tummy butterfly inducing moments at least every 6 months for the rest of our lives.

- the elusive undergraduate degree, of course.

- a little more financial security.

- to improve my fitness.

- to adventure overseas regularly now that we've got the passports.

That's it? Wow! I must be dangerously close to contentment if I can't think of anything that I want!

Hang on a sec, I have thought of something I want! A really, really good month with as few stresses and freakouts as possible. I guess every wedding has to cope with family politics. They should tell you that up front - the day is not really all about you, and everyone will not fit in with what you want to do "just because they love you". That's a crock. I feel sorry for the girls who try to push to get everything the way they want it, just because that's what you're told your Whole Life while growing up. Then you get to the day and it's just not what you were prepared for at all.

Another thing that has been worrying me more than it should: when you say "I want to do A" and a family member says "Oh no I really think you should do B instead". This bugs me for several reasons:

1. it trivialises your suggestion/opinion.

2. they've probably already had their turn at it & have all the advice in the world to offer since they're now veterans.

3. if plan A falls flat on its ars* they'll be able to say "see? I told you you should have done B". And they'll say it loudly, and not just to you. What happened to unconditional support? Does it seriously not exist? I promise to not become one of those people when it's the next girl's turn.

Eye infection
Is it stress? I don''t know. But I do know I have to be clear of it by Monday or I will seriously have a nervous breakdown. There's only two weeks until the big day. It shouldn't matter, it's only my eyes. it's only my wedding. Totally Un Fair. At least my bloke's good looking,. but that will only make me all the more ugly!

Welcome back
It's been some years since my last blog - can't get onto it, so; fine, see if I care.. will begin a whole new one. :)
It's probably a good thing anyway - am about to start a new chapter, get a new name and a new identity. What a fantastic opportunity to become a new person; the person the old me always wanted to be! The countdown is two and a half weeks, it's surreal. I can't wait, yet when it's over I know I'll be a tiny little bit sad. Not much, but enough to change me forever.
The stress is getting to me; I have a very minor eye infection, which is freaking me out. If I don't get on top of it over these first few days...what? I could lose an eye here people! Pretend to care!
The wind's been insane, I spent last night wondering if a branch was going to come through my window. Hence very little sleep, hence weakened immune system, hence the gawdamd eye. MODA is here with me, after all these years who knew he'd be the one I'd marry? He hasn't taught me anything dangerous in a while, but it'll come I have no doubt. and am excited.